Saturday, February 27, 2010

Get up outta my dreams, Bi-atch!

Not having a great evening. Time for distraction from the gremlins rampaging in my head. Sleep over with (S) was good. Just chilled out and watched movies, ate junk food...all the good stuff. This morning we awoke to some pretty shoddy weather, so quick change of plans and horse riding was replaced by ice skating. Now keep in mind I have not ice skated in, oh, about 12 or 13 years, and in that time I have sustained damage to my vestibular system, so balance is still a wee bit of an issue at times. But, (S) was terrified, having never had much success in the skating arena, and I promised to teach her how, so I overcame my own qualms, and found it really is much like riding a bike. Once I got out on the ice, I pretty much got my groove back. And I managed to not only teach (S) to skate, but to get her off the wall in the first five minutes, skating without holding my hand after the first 20 minutes, and getting quite a speed up by the end of the two hours. And she didn't fall over once! So she was pretty chuffed with herself and her fantastic teacher. Of course, having not been on skates in a number of years, my legs and particularly my ankles are covered in ice gel at the moment, and hurt like a motherf*cker! After skating we returned to my place, with an Indian takeaway, and chilled out for a little while before I packed (S) off home to spend some time with her significant other. Which leaves me, an empty house and the gremlins in my head....sigh.

My therapist (D) wants me to start writing down dreams as I remember them. Now, part of the PTSD is that I do have a number of recurrent nightmares, and she knows the contents of these, but she is more interested in the 'other' dreams now. Just looking for another way to burrow into the dark abyss that is my mind. I find this a little confronting, and paradoxically kind of stupid. Because the 'other' dreams I have, are not ones that I believe offer any real insight into my psyche. They tend to be quite short, usually if I have them at all, it will be in that period between half asleep-half awake, and it will usually just be some random bit of info from the previous day. I truly believe that the purpose of these types of dreams is to function much the way a de-frag does on a computer. To group like information together, and get rid of excess stuff, creating more room for the inevitable new information of the next day. For instance: The other night (morning really) I was dreaming I was wandering through rooms trying to put out spot fires that were erupting in closets and up curtains ect. Now one could over analyse this and suggest...I dunno... perhaps that I was feeling the burden of trying to deal with multiple crisises at once, and feeling like I wasn't doing a good enough job dousing each individual 'fire', because there were so many to douse...... OR once could take into account that I was watching Rescue Me, (a tv drama based on firefighters) the night before. Hrrrmmmm.... Anyways, (D) acknowledged that I thought it was bollocks unlikely to be helpful, but she asked me to give her the benefit of the doubt on this. So being the good client I am *snark, snark*, I have been dutifully recording my dreams when I wake the last few mornings.

Anyhow, in order to prepare myself for any nefarious plans she may have for this information, I went to my dear friend google to tell me a little about dream analysis. First, I looked at it from the Jungian model, because I know this is a particular area of interest for her.

Like Freud, Jung believed that dreams are important gateways to unknown parts of ourself. After this point of agreement the approaches of the two men differed considerably in their theories and approaches to dream analysis.

For Jung dreams are an expression of the personal unconscious through the archetypes of the collective unconscious. Whereas Freud believed that dreams were frequently distorted in a subconscious attempt at repression, Jung believed that any such distortion was usually unintentional. The dream was a direct message from the personal unconscious- Here be dreams
In more modern times, my dreams "some are just rubbish stance" takes yet another hit.

A multitude of sleep laboratory and clinical studies have suggested that the dream and/or REM sleep is an inborn biological phenomenon designed to facilitate memory processing, problem-solving, mood regulation, and psychological adaptability
Neurophysiological studies indicate that dreaming occurs when the brain is activated during REM sleep. This consists of excitation of forebrain circuits due to activation of the pontine and midbrain reticular activating systems. In addition, there is selective activation of occipital, parietal, and limbic regions along with excitation of cholinergic neurons and inhibition of noradrenergic as well as serotonergic neurons.
I do however, remain correct in my assertion that this dream analysis malarkey, is just a sneaky way for her to gain access into parts of my psyche that I may or may not be ready to share with her just yet
Although careful history-taking and assessment of mental status remain the foundations of clinical evaluation, dream material may provide additional information and insight into the patient's psychodynamic and diagnostic status. For example, dreams may serve as early warning signals of suicidality, homicidality, ego-disintegration, psychosis, and impending acting-out behavior The Dream- A psychodynamically informative instrument
Sneaky (D), very sneaky! Of course, I could just avoid this blatent intrusion into my psyche, grab my crystals, tarot cards, and other new age paraphenalia, as I get these handy dream interpretations myself from the internets. Don't need your analysis (D) cos with one click of my mouse, I can discover that the fire in my dream means

Fire-Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolize destruction, passion, desire, illumination, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering into your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, then it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. It also represents your drive, motivation, and creative energy. Alternatively, the dream may be warning you of your dangerous or risky activities. You are literally "playing with fire".
And furthermore, just in case it comes up in future dreams...
False Teeth-
To dream that you are wearing false teeth, indicates that you are not being completely honest in some waking matter.
Farting-To dream that you are farting, suggests that you are being passive aggressive. You need to express your feelings in a more direct manner.
Fakir-To see a fakir in your dream, foretells of phenomenal changes in your life. (Am not exactly sure what a fakir is, but sounds exciting, no? Will definately be on the lookout for one of those dreams!) Dream Moods
Sigh. I guess I should just share the damn dreams with her, huh?


  1. There is always the option of telling her that your dreams are starting to feature you writing down your dreams. See what she makes of that?

    Lola x

  2. I would hate to have to do that homework. I never remember my dreams. The one about farting made me laugh! I have no idea what fakir is either, but you're right, it does sound interesting ;-)

  3. Hey O. Not sure I'd be willing to share my dreams with anyone either. The Husband's standard answer to "So I had this weird dream last night...blah..blah..blah.." is always "Yes, well you are strange." (Last night I was stabbed through the heart with one of those old bayonet-y things by "The French" because "The Dutch" didn't make it in time?!?!?!) What I have noticed with my dreams though, is that although lots of them are different - I often wake up with the same FEELING...that of panic and anxiety. The scenarios are different, but the reaction is always the same. I go through periods where I think that dreams are rubbish, and where I think they must actually mean something. I still haven't worked out which is which. Maybe it's both. You never know, it might be helpful to share your dreams with D. Good luck!! N xx

    PS - I am not sure I want to be on the lookout for a fakir...what if the changes are bad?! Yep, always assume the worst. That's me!! :-)

  4. Dreams are interesting. I've just started to read The Sandman for the third time, even though last time I was reading it I had some really strange dreams about (barf) Sarah Palin.

  5. Argh..blogger is playing up on me! Miss Lola...fantastic suggestion and my inner anatgonist is considering throwing that line at her in therapy tomorrow..*snark*

    Nova- am intrigued at your multi-national dreams, much more united nations then my dreams ever are.

    Matthew- Seriously? Sarah Palin? That falls in nightmare catergory does it not?

    Sairs- yes, Homework sucks. Especially since, even when I think its stupid, my inner over achiever wants to get an A+..


  6. They were definitely nightmares. I took the most thorough shower of my life when I woke up from them.

  7. BTW - I looked up Fakir on, and it's a Muslim or Hindu monk.