Saturday, February 6, 2010

Found my anger..didn't know what to do with it, so lost it again..

Lost my temper and very nearly lost the plot this afternoon. Lil sis just pushed me to far with her inconsideration and unhelpfulness in getting the house ready for prospective tenants. Plus I was on edge from lack of meds...Finally got the call that my script was ready and so removed myself from the house. By the time I reached the Mental Health Building, I was shaking with agitation. Was so bad that when (M) handed me a cup of water I could barely hold the cup. Chatted with her for a few minutes, which centred me a bit. Although she was of the opinion like therapist (D) that it is good for me to get in touch with my anger. Which I understand in theory, but practically, me losing my temper is not going to help the situation. Walked back down the hill to the mall to get script filled, still shaking so bad that the pharmacy attendant was giving me strange looks as I tried to sign my name. Thought I would want to get in and out of mall as quickly as possible, but strangely did not find it as claustrophobic as I would normally. Plus it was airconditioned and 10 000 degrees outside. So stuck around for an hour or so and did some frivilous shopping. Didn't spend much and I had some birthday cash left, so it was a nice splurge. Bought some cushions and a shoe rack and a new mat for the doorway. Also bought a big bag of pick and mix lollies as a treat. Ignored phone calls from sisters. When I finally got home I think lil sis was trying to apologise, as big sis had basically told her, if you don't cut it out then Ophelia is going to crack completely. But didnt realise that's what she was trying to do, and was too pissed off to bother listening. She still didnt really help me clean the rest of the house. So I finished tidying and vacuuming. Aunt arrived with two little cousins and my big sis went to pick up her son, so we have a full house ready for our trip to the water park tomorrow. At first found the infringement on my space a bit tricky, but had a 'good' chat with aunt and sister re: past history, and why therapy is good for me. They see me going month after month and don't think its helping, which I understand, but they don't understand the complexities of it. Besides they don't have a better plan, so.....Is now 2 am and I have to be up in a few hours to leave, so I should try and get some sleep. Sigh. Ex is pretty much all moved out, and has tomorrow while we are out of the house to get the rest. Anyways....longer post tomorrow.

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