Saturday, December 19, 2009

Still chasing the Sandman

Still totally and utterly exhausted. No change on that front. I had to make a decision today whether I was going to be able to go in for my volunteer shift tomorrow, because if I was going to bail, I needed to give them ample opportunity to find a replacement. I decided, ultimately, that although I feel absolutely terrible, it would probably still be a good thing to get out of the house and force myself to get on with the normal things that make up life. I hope I'm up for it. After my shift finishes (S) and I are going to go down to the pool for a swim (hopefully it won't be too crazy crowded) which will be good, as the heat is really adding to my overall discomfort, when I am trying to deal with being extremely fatigued. I have had a pretty bad headache for the last few days, and my shoulder seized up again over night... and I really think both of these things can be attributed to my body not getting the chance it needs to rest and regenerate. My mood is scraping the bottom. I just really wish somebody could give me instructions on what to do to get this under control. I think I could probably deal with everything else if it wasn't for having to walk around sleep deprived out of my mind.

I took the opportunity last night, while I had many sleepless hours at my disposal to read over this blog. It's the first time I've really gone through and read past entries, but I have been writing long enough now that I have been able to get a clear picture of the ups and downs on my emotions over the past few months. This was good, as it just helped to reinforce the mantra I have been repeating to myself to try and sustain myself through this. "This is a moment, and it will pass". (Aside from that, on reading back I was appalled at the amount of typos, spelling, gramatic and punctuation errors in my post... my only excuse is that I tend to write these posts in a free-flowing, mindless kind of way, and don't really pay much attention to detail... however I do aim to do away with such carelessness and work on proofing documents before I post them... it's sheer laziness really... and me, studying to be a teacher...shame, shame, shame!)

Well, I'm going to lie in the dark with a washcloth on my head for a while now. Even if I'm not sleeping, I'm going to try and give my body a chance to rest at least.

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