Sunday, November 15, 2009

You'd better watch out!

The ornaments are out, carols are playing ad nauseum and Santa waits patiently, in the middle of every suburban shopping centre, as irate children are placed on his lap bawling and pulling his beard. (Does anyone else find it unsuprising so many kids are terrified of santa. Here, kid, sit on the lap of this complete stranger, who is wearing a fake beard and kind of smells like whiskey. Oh, and by the way, he'll breaking into our house on Christmas eve but don't worry cos its Santa! Yes, I was an over thinker as a child too. If Santa can get in through the keyhole (we didn't have a chimney....than who knows who else can?) Christmas is definately coming, they scream at us, even though its only early November

Is it weird that I am already starting to worry about taking a break from therapy over christmas? I blame the damned shopping malls! I've already had a little trial run by missing my Thursday session last week, which had its benefits (I am studiously avoiding talking about a particular issue with (D) at the moment, and so I kind of ran away to the beach for a week) But it was an unsettling experience to have such a gap between seeing her, and that's only a gap of a week. I seem to find a certain containment in not going any longer than 3 or 4 days tops without seeing her. Even when I was in hospital she rang me every couple of days. And the thing is, I am assuming my case manager will be off over the xmas period, and probably Consumer Advocate (K) too.... which leaves me with the PA triage line. And my family... at Xmas... when everybody gets hot, then cranky, then drunk, then resentful.....then sometimes ( most times) down right nasty. Is it strange that I am aready starting to stress about it... am I pre-empting it to turn out a certain way with my negative attitude? I don't know. What I do know is that I am stressed about the break from therapy, which then in turn makes me so angry at myself, because it is so pathetic and dependent. I need to build the resilience to weather these times on my own.

Christmas? Bah Humbug!

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