Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Echos of the past

Here is an uncomfortable subject for me. And one that makes me glad that this blog is anonymous and my family will never read it. Recap on family make-up. My older sister (k) and I have the same parents, my younger sister (A) has a different father. And he, well he was an evil bastard, and much to blame for a lot of my issues today. I live with my lil sis and her partner. And for the most part we get along quite well (better than with older sis, for sure) But.... lil sis looks an awful lot like SF. Same colouring, same eyes... and to a certain extent same verbal temper. Don't get me wrong, she is nothing like the abusive bastard... she has cut off all ties after he and my mother divorced. And I'm sure underneath it all she has a multitude of issues related to having to accept she is genetically linked to the prick. But when she gets angry, she will yell and scream... and it just...takes me back in time to her father who used to do the same thing. Last night, she and her partner got into a rip roarer of an arguement, and it spun me out totally. Even though it wasn't directed at me, the way she can be so cruel and scathing, like you're just a speck of dirt... its horrible.

For the most part though she is perfectly fine. This afternoon for instance, she helped me pick some clothes out of her wardrobe that she has outgrown, because with the weight I've put on with the meds I cant fit into a lot of my clothes and I was feeling a bit depressed. She can be fun, and she loves fiercely. It's just a tiny, minute part of his personality that she has inherited, andis far, far outweighed by her better qualities.

I feel guilty for even thinking it. But last night I did. Last night scared me

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