Monday, November 23, 2009

Things I do or have done when trying to fight gremlins

1. Challenging negative thought patterns (thanks CBT) but this can lead to you going round and round in circles, until your head feels ready to explode, so not entirely helpful at times
2. Distraction. I can't do benign mindless distraction, like reading a novel or seeing a movie. My distractions have to be hard core- brain straining activities so there is no room for the nasty gremlins to make their noise. Logic puzzles, reading Journal articles or hardcore 'thinking books', watching Documentaries, doing ridiculously long mathematical equations in my head, trying to name all the countries starting with B... the list goes on.
3. Cleaning. Not just general tidy the house type cleaning, I'm talking about taking to the clothesline with polish and a rag (Yes I have done that and Yes my housemate at the time thought I was nuts!)
4. Channeling the feelings- journal writing, painting, angsty poetry, blathery blogs.
5. Baking. I hate cooking, but I used to bake a lot when I was feeling off the wall... crazy amounts in the middle of the night, so my neighbours would all wake up with a container of freshly baked muffins on their doorsetp in the morning. Can't do it now, as is too noisy when housemates are sleeping, and I am purely a nocturnal baker.
6. Exercise- walking swimming classes, whatever is most suitable on the day.
7.Breaking glasses- I used to live across the road from a vacant lot on the side of a big brick industrial building. I'd go and buy a set of cheap drinking glasses from the $2 store and throw them against the wall. (And clean it up afterwards of course)
8.People watching- sometimes you don't want to interact with the world but youre not safe on your own. I'll go into the city and sit in the square, or the Botanic gardens or a coffee shop and just watch the world go by, making up little stories about people as they pass.
9. Music- make it upbeat, sing your lungs out, dance like an idiot- fake youre actually happy and maybe it will sink in.
10. Music- find the most depressing songs you can, and try to muster up a big cathartic cry. I don't cry much and sometimes I think that's part of my problem it just needs to be let out.
11. Snuggle with your cat (if she'll let you)
12. Go hang out with some kids. Preferably babies- that baby smell of talc and mik and the feeling of a warm, chubby little person grinning gummily back at you is a thousand times better than any drug I've ever been prescribed
13. Long, hot shower
14.Saying to hell with the diet and just eating whatever the heck I want.
15. Contacting people. Sometimes all I can handle is texting or msn, sometimes a phone call, sometimes its good just to muster up the energy to leave the house and meet for a coffee. Pick the person too. I have lots of friends who I love dearly, but at the moment the best person for me to meet/talk to in this state, is a girl who has had mh issues herself recently. We meet at the local pub, get our diet cokes (because neither of us can drink on our meds) and chainsmoke the afternoon away.

And when all of this is not enough... call upon the professionals. Although often there is not much point in that, as referenced in many previous blogs

For now, I've given this list a fairly good shot over the past few days (specifically numbers 1,2,3, 4, 6, 9, 10, 11, 12,13, 14, 15) And I'm still just trying to keep my head above water. I am rapidly losing my ability to give a shit, I am just too bloody tired. I hate this.

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