Waiting, waiting, waiting......

So, its morning time in "Some Hospital". I asked whether I would be willing to move from my single room to a shared room last night, as they had a patient who was extremely unwell. The room I was to be moved to is with a woman that I have struck up somewhat of a friendship with over the past couple of days and I knew that she was growing increasingly concerned about this other roommates increasingly erratic behaviour, so I was quite happy to make the shift, as long as she didn't mind my up and down nocturnal activities. It's not too much of a big deal anyway, as I think there is a strong chance I'll be discharged today. (Yeah, yeah... I know I keep saying that, but I think this time I really will be) Lots of general mental health frippery going on, with yelling, obscenities and the ongoing request for cigarettes. Breakfast was the same as it has been for the past fortnight... porridge and apple juice, followed by three cigarettes. The breakfast of champions!

I spoke with therapist (D) yesterday about my upcoming discharge, and my fears around it, and I think we have decided that for the moment, we will increase contact to something like daily visits or phonecalls, just as containment, until we figure out what to do. My mother has caught on that all is not well, and has hit the big red panic alert button. She spoke of coming down and renting a unit for the two of us for a few weeks so i would have someone around 24/7 whilst I go through the worst of the therapy. I don't think this would actually be that helpful would probably just make me feel more clammed up and guilty but the sentiment is nice.

There is also the saga of the absentee biological father who has all of a sudden reappeared in my life at this very precarious time, but that requires more brainpower to write than I have now.....

I will edit this throughout the day, as I find out more about what's going to happen.

EDIT: I was discharged at about 2pm this afternoon, after waiting an eternity for them to write up a script and my discharge papers. I managed to hold myself together ok, until I got home and realised they hadn't included some of the meds I brought into hospital. Case Manager (M) was off sick, so I asked to be put through to (K) who helped me calm down somewhat and I was able to realise I had some of these meds at home anyway, so I could just sort it out tomorrow, when I am hopefully feeling a little less fragile. We brainstormed some ideas to keep me busy and safe through this afternoon and tonight, until I can see (D) tomorrow for therapy, and hopefully come up with some sort of plan. So I tidied my bedroom, in between torrents of tears. I began to try and get the house into some kind of order, but realised we are out of pretty much every basic necessity, so I am about to go off and brave the supermarket with my sister who just got home from work and stock up on supplies. Shitty day, all in all... just got to hang in there I guess. Will sit and relax later on this evening and read about what everyone else in the blogoshphere has been up to