Sunday, January 31, 2010

Deadline passes...... and nothing...

Sunday. Deadline for sister's ex to move out. He is still here. They have spoken and she has agreed not to take out the AVO and give him till the end of the week to find somewhere. He has agreed to behave. So I am home after a turbulent, homeless weekend. And not feeling to secure about the living situation. Tension could be cut with a knife.

I went and stayed with friend (F) for two nights, but as it turns out she is dealing with her own demons at the moment. Spent most of friday night, trying to keep her out of trouble, as she drank and took more tablets then she should have, and then passed out in the hallway. We were to go over and feed the cat on Sat arvo, but I didn't realise she had continued to take pills throughout the day. Got in the car with her completely unaware that she was pretty much off her head on prescription meds, so ended up in a low-speed head on collision. Pretty stressful and scary stuff. Am very angry with her for putting me in this position, and also feeling quite helpless, as I have too much going on in my own life to try and save her, so have had to take a big step away and let her family and fiance deal with this. Hopefully now the full extent of the problem is on the table, she will be able to see she needs help. But I just can't be a part of it right now. I don't know if this makes me a bad friend? The accident actually caused me to go into shock. I couldn't stop shaking, was breathing really fast and speaking a million miles an hour for a few hours afterwards. Ended up going to stay with friend (B) for the night, which was a much calmer environment.

Managed to go and do my volunteer shift today, which was ok...pretty low-key. Not to much personal interaction mostly just paperwork ect. Therapist (D) has been calling everyday to check in, which really has been the only thing anchoring me over the last few days.

Still dealing with a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Gremlins still lurking. Therapy tomorrow, which I am both grateful for and dreading simultaneously. May have to book into acupuncturist as well, I think just the jolt from the crash has given my neck and shoulder a bit of strain... has stiffened right up today.

Still here. Sigh.


  1. Whilst I'm really glad the accident wasn't more serious, I'm so sorry you had to experience it at all. I'm sorry your friend is presently so troubled, but you're absolutely right - you have enough going on at present. It doesn't make you a bad friend at all - just someone who can only deal with so much.

    Glad you're still here. x

  2. Thanks SI. I want to be able to help her. But I can barely help myself.