Gently, gently

Out in the big bad world today.

I began the day gently putting myself back together, as one does after losing one's sense of one's self for a while. Picked out a cheerful outfit. Hair. Make-up. Sent of some obligatory emails for university. Headed off across town for therapy. Armed. No silence while she waited for me to initiate conversation. No slipping back into 'meta-therapy'...you know, therapy about therapy, talking about therapy, talking about the therapeutic relationships. You will laugh at my topic for conversation. Dreams. I have indeed kept the dream journal she suggested. The one I scoffed at not so long ago.  Nothing too explosive came out of them, but there was a theme. in every dream, I am trying to get somewhere, somewhere indefinable, and obstacles are being put in my way. Talk of dreams meandered into the feelings of abandonment when my grandparents moved away, unfortunately right about the time ex-step father started interfering with me. We didn't go into that too deeply. We talked of my sister's and their current unusual levels of consideration and concern. We talked of little sis's refusal to come into the psych ward. We talked of the fear people have faced with mental illness. Not fear of what they see in you, but the parts of themselves they see reflected in themselves. We talked, and talked and talked. And it was OK. No emoitonal blowouts. A few A-ha's but no ideal shattering epiphanies. It was good. I will see her again tomorrow.

Afterwards, I went to the shops looking for the next in a series I started this week. Five days in and I am up to the fifth book, but alas, I could not find it in store. Little Sis says it is at the Target near her work, so she will probably pick it up. I put a whole lot of "teacher" clothes on lay-by. Confirming to myself that I WILL complete prac requirements this semester. Just have to get some medical documents, send in my placement form and my blue card confirmation. I came home and watched some TV, and worked on my WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)

Tomorrow, I have therapy in the morning and then a quick turn around to get back to this side of town for appointment with Psych, where they will probably be changing my Avanza to Effexor. Wednesday I have the WRAP group meeting in the morning if I am up to it, Case Manager at 2pm and then Consumer Advocate at 3pm. Then back to therapy thursday.

Still just taking things gently, still feeling slightly disconnected.