Sunday, August 9, 2009

When it rains it pours... a rant..

This is primarily just a frustrated rant. Centrelink has suspended my Disability Allowance, until I have completed a Job Capacity Assessment. Apparently they had been trying to contact me for a week before they suspended my payment, but I don't answer calls from blocked numbers, and they don't leave voice messages, for privacy reasons, so I ended up getting a letter suspending my payment. This in itself, whilst frustrating is fine. I understand why it needs to be done. What really gets me is I was approved for the payment 3 months ago, after I had to resign from my job because of instability with my seizure control. By this point I was quite often on unpaid sick leave, because I had used up my sick leave, or I was going into work, and having seizures (that's embarrassing, try walking back into a work place where your colleagues have seen you convulse and lose bladder control!) because I couldn't afford to miss work. The paperwork was filled out, Treating Doctors Reports submitted, I enrolled in University part-time externally, so the time not working was still productive, and have spent the time trying to get my health back to a point where I can return to full-time work.

But then, the depression hit me again. After quite a lengthy 'remission' if you will, its back in full force, and all of my energy is focused on trying to keep that under control (hence the re-introduction of therapy) and trying to get the seizures under control (now increasing dramatically because of the insomnia...what a vicious circle!) and trying to maintain the work needed for my Uni stuff. And just when I'm at a point where I'm barely keeping myself together... now, they want me to come in for a JCA. Not three months ago, when I would have been able to handle it....but now, when even the concept of leaving the house other than for therapy seems insurmountable, they want me to walk into an office and talk to somebody I don't know, about my problems, and try and keep my muddled brain together long enough, to make sense and get what needs to be done, done. It's such a little thing in reality, but my brain is catastrophising it, to the point where it just seems impossible. Added to the stress of the payment being 'suspended' until I have jumped through the hoops, so having to rely on my meagre savings to do what needs to be done.

I understand why it needs to be done, that there are checks and balances in place for a reason. And I am grateful to live in a country where I can get this financial support until I can pull my physical and emotional health back together... but there is another part of me whingeing......"Why now??????????????". Well, all I can do is wait and see what happens on Tuesday, I guess.

The end of rant. :P

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