Stuff n stuff...

Spoke to former psych on the phone this morning re: medication issue. Seems the best thing would be to begin seeing a psychiatrist again in addition to therapist, to manage medication. She quite rightly pointed out that GP's are restricted in their knowledge of medications for PTSD, and they tend to be quite rigid as far as the guidelines. (ie The dose I'm on for Lexapro is currently double the recommended dose, and GP expressed concern about that, but according to her its actually quite a common dosage for PTSD and nothing to worry about, the GP and Pharmacist believe that Avanza and Lexapro cannot be taken concurrently, and thus I would have to be 'weaned off' the Lexapro, hence the hospitalisation, but she says they quite commonly prescribe them concurrently) She also agreed with me to a certain extent, that medication has not been a particularly fruitful path in the past. End result: am more confused than ever.

I wish I could just go back and start seeing her again. I am confident in her ability and she knows my history, but unfortunately, she is in another town. In addition to this is the concern of having to pay a psychiatrist on top of the therapist... am not sure that I can manage it financially. Which means (gulp!) thinking about hooking up with the public system. Argh!

Anyway, appointment with therapist (D) in an hour, so I guess we can discuss my options there. Really don't want to go, battling the public transport at the moment seems a mammoth task, and in addition have been picking up some weird vibes from her in the last week. Not quite able to put my finger on it, and really too tired to think about it at the moment, but there is a weird tension there.

Other than that, Older sibling has departed, after her 'unannounced' one night stay, turned into a three-nighter. Managed to get my assignment in for uni yesterday, but having put a whole 3 hours effort into it, am not sure it will actually past muster. Is so hard to motivate myself to do the work, seems kind of pointless right now... but I am aware that when (if) I come out of all of this, I will be up the proverbial creek holding a paddle, if I've let things fall apart... been there, done that.

Mostly, I'd just kill to get some sleep. My eyes are achey and puffy, I look like the living dead, and my head is just full of cottonwool... I can't think straight. Its been over a month since I got more than 2 or 3 hours sleep a night...and I understand why they use sleep deprivation as torture.

Well, that's life at the moment...just stuff n stuff...