Friday, July 9, 2010

P.S. My therapist rocks

You know, I'm pretty damned tired. I couldn't seem to even nap today. Everytime I got close to sleep, I was overwhelmed by a flood of panic. But, it's ok. It really is. Because this feeling is finite, it won't last forever, and even now, it starting to abate. I think a lot of this is down to finally really beginning to feel 'held' as much as I hate to use such thera-speak. Thinking on it a while, I think even though I really didn't much enjoy the phone sessions with (D) while I was away, and found it incredibly difficult to feel comfortable with, it did finally drive home the idea to me, that for as long as I need, wherever I am, whether things are going incredibly bad or incredibly good, she will be there for me. She has told me this repeatedly since I began therapy, just stopping short of translating it into multiple languages and performing an interpretive dance, to make her point. But I guess, it just finally clicked. (Shucks, I haven't got trust issues at all, huh?) And knowing that I have that support, really knowing it, makes it easier for me to support and soothe myself. Like at the moment. (D) called me this afternoon to check in on how I was doing. And that was good. I felt acknowledged and validated and not so alone. She asked whether I wanted her to check in over the weekend, and I thought about it for a while, and realised I didn't think I would need her to. I am comfortable in the knowledge she is there if I fall, and somehow that leads to me being comfortable enough that I can try it on my own.

So yeah, things are a wee bit sucky right now. But that's ok... this too will pass! And really for the first time, I have 100% certainty that choosing psychodynamic therapy was the right choice, and it really is slowly but surely helping me grow.

Peace and Love


  1. it's so amazing that you have built such a good relationship with your therapist. learning to trust someone can be so hard. i happy for you that you have got there.

  2. It's great that even through this hard time you have such a positive attitude. I like that!


  3. I am really glad that you are able to see that your therapist is really there for you and that she shows it. It is very hard to trust people when you feel that lack of trust generally. I kind do that with friends. I find it hard to trust them and then I push them and if they crack and run off then I was right all along. How borderline of me! In any case, I am glad that you realised you can trust your therapist.