P.S. My therapist rocks

You know, I'm pretty damned tired. I couldn't seem to even nap today. Everytime I got close to sleep, I was overwhelmed by a flood of panic. But, it's ok. It really is. Because this feeling is finite, it won't last forever, and even now, it starting to abate. I think a lot of this is down to finally really beginning to feel 'held' as much as I hate to use such thera-speak. Thinking on it a while, I think even though I really didn't much enjoy the phone sessions with (D) while I was away, and found it incredibly difficult to feel comfortable with, it did finally drive home the idea to me, that for as long as I need, wherever I am, whether things are going incredibly bad or incredibly good, she will be there for me. She has told me this repeatedly since I began therapy, just stopping short of translating it into multiple languages and performing an interpretive dance, to make her point. But I guess, it just finally clicked. (Shucks, I haven't got trust issues at all, huh?) And knowing that I have that support, really knowing it, makes it easier for me to support and soothe myself. Like at the moment. (D) called me this afternoon to check in on how I was doing. And that was good. I felt acknowledged and validated and not so alone. She asked whether I wanted her to check in over the weekend, and I thought about it for a while, and realised I didn't think I would need her to. I am comfortable in the knowledge she is there if I fall, and somehow that leads to me being comfortable enough that I can try it on my own.

So yeah, things are a wee bit sucky right now. But that's ok... this too will pass! And really for the first time, I have 100% certainty that choosing psychodynamic therapy was the right choice, and it really is slowly but surely helping me grow.

Peace and Love
xOphelia