Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Itty Bitty Tanties

Ok, so maybe I threw a little, eensy, weensy, tiny tantrum in therapy today. Highlights included telling her to back off, stop patronising me, screwing up my fists and lasping into a sulky, scowling silence for the last 15 minutes or so of the session. And yes, it probably is still a good thing therapeutically, working through transference issues and having the chance to experience and express (however clumsily) anger in the safe containment of the therapy room. But ultimately I'm left feeling like quite a prat, and am feeling quite embarrassed at the prospect of going back. And I maintain, for today at least, THERAPY SUCKS BALLS.

Had my PsychDoc appointment, and it went pretty well. We're going to put off the benzo withdrawal for a fortnight or so. With the current little slump I'm experiencing, its just better to wait until things stabilise a little. But then hopefully, we'll start a slow withdrawal process, and sometime (in the hopefully near future) I will be completely off the Serepax.

Other than that I'm just trying to focus on keeping a positive attitude. Its just a little slump and it will pass. It doesn't mean that things are spinning out of control. I will sleep again. And I will feel happy again. This too will pass.

Spoke to Case Manager (M) and she said to give her a call if things continue to be a bit down, otherwise I will see her next week. I guess a part of me just doesn't want to admit to them how low I am feeling, because I want to be able to handle it myself, there isn't really any particular problem that they can help address, and probably a little bit of pride as well.... I was doing so well, I hate that I wasn't able to keep it up.

Anyway, Lil Sis and I got some boxed sets...so we'll be watching Outrageous Fortunes, True Blood, and the first season of Glee for the forseeable future.

Peace and love


  1. I absolutely love throwing tantrums in therapy! Of course I feel incredibly guilty afterwords, but it's fun while it lasts.

    I'm glad your PsychDoc appointment went well today. And that you and your Lil Sis will have several DVDs to entertain you.

    Wishing you well,

  2. I hate those sessions that you think back on and cringe. I have had a few of those over the years, let me tell you. My worst, when I was 21 and depressed and the biggest drama queen on the face of the planet. Okay, so I might still be a little bit of a drama queen. Anyways, I hope you're okay and that if you see the case manager next week, try not to seeit as a failure, but just some assistance. It is okay to ask for help.

  3. I've totally had a fit in therapy before, too. It is rather embarassing, true, but I think it's good for my therapist to occasionally see me at my worst. At least that's how I make myself feel less shitty when I think about it.