Anybody left?

I guess I somewhat abandoned this blog, and by virtue of that any loyal readers for a while, huh? I am taking a peek out of the cave I have hermited myself away in for the past few weeks to offer an explanation.

My evil arch enemy, sleep, has returned to do battle again. It got to the point where I was sleeping no mored then 90 minutes a night, and that was broken and filled with horrible nightmares. Fun fact. Apparently when you are incredibly sleep deprived, your body goes into REM (dream) cycle really quickly, which for me, in turn means I wake up in a cold sweat when my head has barely hit the pillow, only to stare into the dark for a few hours calming myself enough to sleep again. I went through all the normal sleep deprived stages- sluggish and cranky, manic, anxious and jittery and finally totally apathetic and depressed. Finally we decided on a short hospitalisation. For some reason, hospital seems to historically be a place I sleep better. I had also found a stash of old medication, even though I am currently restricted to 7 days supply at a time, and decided the grown up thing to do would be to hand it over to be disposed of, rather than risk doing something impulsive while sleep deprived. This is a big step for me, usually I would of kept it as my just in case security blanket. I would have owned up if someone asked me directly if I had a stash, but kept stum if they didn't. And they had no reason to believe I did, they thought it had all been previously confiscated.

Anyway, it was supposed to be a short stay, four days over the long weekend. I didn't want my family to know I had once again epically failed and ended up in the nut bin, so I implied I was going way for the weekend. Implied, who am I kidding? I lied. And I hated doing it. But this was my third stint this year. I was ashamed. But then the unthinkable happened. Hospital did nothing really to change my sleep. They plied me with PRN's. The stay was extended a few more days. I had to come clean to my sister. Then a few more days, over Mother's Day, I had to come clean to the rest of the family. An old duck of a night nurse would walk in at 3 in the morning to see me still lying there in bed with my eyes wide open, and cluck exasperatingly "Why aren't you asleep?!". I wish I knew. After 13 days, it became apparent the hospital intervention was an out and out fail, and I was dicharged. Tired. But still alive. So I guess that's one benefit.... That was yesterday.

I'm trying to get through all your blogs, but my google reader is chockas....luckily, I have plenty hours of reading time at night while you other fools are sleeping!